There are countless ways I could describe myself and some that I wouldn’t. Contrary to what we might think, we can’t always define our own identity. Much of what others see and perceive is tagged on to us whether we like it or not. These are snap-judgements that are attempts to categorize others into what people have seen before. Man, woman, or something in between. Obese, thin, fit, or just thicc. Fair-skinned and white or the obvious one-drop of melanin that somehow ‘others’ us. It happens globally and in our hometowns as well. In this vein, many aspects of my own identity have been decided for me. On the other hand, there are some identifiers I’ve chosen myself. Be it bestowed or self-selected from all ends of the identity spectrum, the one I embrace the most is my browness.
Being brown is my nuclear pride and self-definition. It has encumbered many of my adversities and at the same time has sourced my growth, mutuality, and (success?). Being brown within an adopted culture has added layers to my world view and has molded me into the chameleon I am in mono-color. I am Turkish-born and adopted by a white American family. Thankfully my family taught me that being different is something to be celebrated, as I was born in a place many Americans might not even know. Subsequently, I moved around different cities in USA while growing up. At this time, I was able to walk and talk like I was white but my skin tone always told the story for me before I even could. My given name, Stacey, is rather standard and allowed me to blend into white western culture on paper (if someone doesn’t see the documentation with my four names including my given Turkish name, Ayşegül). However, after graduating from university and getting out into the ‘real-world’ it became more obvious that the color of my skin sent signals that I wasn’t fully aware of outside of the world of academia. As I grew into adulthood and traveled more I decided to fully accept my browness even on paper, but not with my Turkish first name. This is the reason for my chosen surname and color-marker of ESMER (which means brown-skinned/dark featured/brunette in Turkish). I chose to use this as a link to my brown heritage instead of my given last name and to throw off the scent of potential employers of my online identity.
I do want to mention that some people might find controversy in me identifying as brown. It has come to my attention as I try to build this blog and following on Instagram and other social media platforms that many people who identify as ‘brown’ are from south Asian communities, that is to say brown Asians. Some from this community may begrudge my assertion of my brown identity. On the other hand, I challenge these exclusionary boundaries drawn among brown people and encourage others who identify as brown to consider how others might desire to have a color/racial marker rather than one affixed to their nationality and geographic roots. My own hyphenated identity and complicated roots was a catalyst for me to identify by the color of my skin rather than ethnicity by proxy of national origin. I imagine others might find ease in personally identifying with skin color rather than nationality.
My own world view has expanded as I studied and traveled more. As an anthropologist, by debt to institutionalized education, I was able to widen my lens. Anthropology and Women’s Studies allowed me to add vocabulary to opinions and thoughts forming my perspective and I’m truly blessed to have had that costly opportunity. Those are my undergraduate credentials which are the foundation to taking my education out of the classroom.
My goal with this project is to log my experiences between, across, and along the borders of our planet and offer up my humble observations to entertain, inform, prepare, or intrigue you. With this, I will share my stories, information, opinions, and the media I’ve captured along the way.
I aim to also discuss the idea of borders imposed onto us by land, citizenship, and psychology. I want to explore how we bring our own borders in our baggage and what it means to constantly negotiate those boundaries. I’m curious about the borders others have and the lines they’ve drawn in their own lives. My intention is to share my experiences and spark discussion while offering digital access and potential for interaction. Being brown beyond borders is a concept I initiated to develop internally, tread curiously, and reach globally.
In digital platforms we have the opportunity to offer ourselves more anonymously outside of our shallow shells. I’m certain in our vast digital universe there are some seeking insight like mine and are just plain tired of being bombarded by the same “travel blog” narrative as experienced through a privileged white westerner. In my own life, I am extremely disheartened by seeing travelers who don’t look like me. I want to offer a place for those seeking to travel to get a different perspective and see a non-white face in those dreamy landscapes since there is no way that we will have the same experience traveling outside of our own countries.
My intention is to attempt inclusion in our globalized world. Being somewhat of a nomad can be quite isolating especially when I don’t have much of a homebase. Sometimes a simple question of ‘Where are you from?” can be dynamic and confusing. Choosing which identifier to use can be an exhausting experience, especially in tedious repetition and rapid frequency. I want to use this as an opportunity to express confidence in my identifiers and encourage others to do the same while still asserting that they only REALLY matter to us. No matter what, others will still put us in whatever box they can to feel comfortable. Empathy and acceptance truly starts within and the journey never ends. I find beauty in the simultaneous exploration of ourselves and facets of the real world around us. I want to be able to express who I am, where I come from, and where I want to go. On the other hand, I want to hear the same from others who might share any of my identifiers. I also intend to give a chance for those who don’t share any of my identifiers to ask questions or take any of those insights to widen their lens.
One thing I ask you to keep in mind is I started writing this blog approximately16 years after I first started traveling, so many things have quite possibly changed and some details might not be as clear to me as when I experienced it. I will include details I consider helpful, funny, and relevant. I encourage readers to contact me for extra clarification, corrections, and constructive commentary.
This is for the ugly travelers! The poor and the working poor ones. It’s for the ladies, the thicc, the music lovers, the dancehall crashers, the street drinkers, the couchsurfers, the bargainers, the lone wanderers, the actively curious, respectful and humble globetrotters. I welcome the stand-aloners, the outreachers, the activists, the queer, the marginalized, the minoritized, the non-dichotomized, the subaltern, the complicated, the un-boxable, and the misfits. It’s for my vibe-conscious and self-aware family. Follow along as I unpack.
Brown Beyond Borders 